Clarissa on the long arm.

I was in training for most of the day today learning how to use our new computer system that is hooked to the long arm machine at work. So a rep from the company had come to teach us and while on break I realized there was no one to get Clarissa from school so I went up to the school....Preston is on the Math team and just to brag about him he is also in the "highly capable student" group at school which means that he is really advanced for his age...he is basically working at a seventh grade level in alot of subjects..in math right now he and Bryce are studying the same things...(the oldest and youngest boy)Anyway..because Preston stays later at school Clarissa is not supposed to walk home from school alone and Cole forgot to go get her....anyway...she ended up walking home by herself...scared me to death...cause I couldn't find her and while taking the route she walks home I called the house and she answered the phone...." HI Mom"
I was relieved that she was home safe...but also wondering what happened on the way home..she said that the neighbor that walks by our house alot stopped to say hi to her...so we had the stranger danger talk and I happen to know that guy....so I was not worried about him but we have another neighbor I wouldn't want any where near close to her...and I mentioned that to her she said " yeah, I know Mom, I remember you told the boys not to go there to sell candy last time" THank YOu JEsus! I have a child that actually listens and remembers things! That was over a year ago and CLarissa trusts me enough to know to listen to me.....there is one other girl in this house that never listens to me.
Anyway, I took CLarissa to work with me and started working on the quilt machine...then I heard one going in the next room....Brianna was teaching Clarissa how to use the long arm...I am so impressed with her little designs she was doing hearts and stars and getting the feel for the machine.

The Human Flaw

Yesterday I had a counseling session..hadn't had one in quite some time because the kids come first...and my hectic school schedule doesn't allow me to take alot of time for myself...so going into counseling yesterday was such a breath of fresh air..I was GIDDY! Yes, Giddy! Not all people feel that way about counseling or the dentist...but I always do...weird.

Yesterday the topic of discussion was what I thought is a "CHARISMA FLAW"...why do I need to OWN everything I have no idea..moving along...DO you know what that flaw is?? I will tell you.

You know that feeling that you are inadequate?...that you are never good enough ..that you will never measure up? I feel I can share this freely because something clicked yesterday...no matter how old I get..no matter what I do in my life..I will always feel this way about SOMETHING in my life...why? Because I will never be perfect and I will never measure up or be good enough that is a HUMAN flaw..not a Charisma Flaw. Does anyone ever think they are good enough for things? NO! We all have doubts and fears and even though I have been through new things 100's of times I get that nausea...and that tape reeling in my head that says: "you are not good enough" ....it is what you do with that that makes all the difference. I could be a victim that says: "you are right...you might as well give up, you aren't good enough"...or I could say: "OK well I am going to try anyway and if I fail that is better than never having tried at all"....I would hate myself much more for not trying...and probably the odds are going to be in my favor that I will succeed because usually when I set my mind to something within reason, I can accomplish it. It is all about perspective...I keep learning that and there is so much truth about that....teh older I get the more I believe this.
I love it when I can relate to everyone and not feel alone in something. Don't you?

We are all brothers and sisters and we all share so many things and I love that God created us that way.....there is no BIG secret here.....it is so simple...we just make it harder than it truly is...how sad is that?

I also discovered some more AWESOME things about myself...things are just clicking for me and I love that! I called my Feminism instructor and told her about my new plan of action and she was so excited and told me about how this isn't just schooling it is a journey..I believe her whole heartedly and I would rather be on a journey anytime...rather than hitting my head against a brick wall..to end up in a place I don't actually care about....Life is beautiful!

Things that are happening

Well this last week has been an experience.....I have been hitting that fork in the road feeling wondering if nursing is what I really want to do with my life....I know..I know after all of the hard work I have been through to get here ..applications being mailed out and I am in the home stretch to apply....I started to think about why I chose nursing...Well I think I chose it because I wanted to go to school..I needed the education no matter what..and I have to have a reason or a goal when I do things (that is just how I am built)....Nursing fit well in that little box becuase I worked in the medical feild, the college near me only had two programs..pilots or nursing...and working the PT the patients that I had gotten close to had told me I would make a fabulous nurse...Well to become a nurse I would not be a "nurturer" I would be a paper pusher and chart all day administer meds...I would have bad hours to begin with and I don't know that this is what I really want to do.....I think I needed to have a goal and this fit into the "box" I didn't think I could do anything outside of the technical school that was near me...Now I know I can go to the university and my options are limitless.
So after much debate, talk, and struggle within myself I have been checking out my options and talking with my school advisor, career counselor, my boss ( who is a nurse practitioner as well) and Rob. I also remembered my first orientation at school and they said that students change their major three times on average before leaving college..I thought to myself oh yeah..well that is not me.....Well I guess I get to eat crow again!
I am changing my major!
i am going to major in human development ( psychology) and minor in Women's studies (feminism) this is going to be something mroe along the lines of what I want to do! I can be a lactation specialist, be a lamaze coach, work in women's prisons and counsel, I could work with handicapped people..I could be a school counselor, I could be alot of different things that can actually nurture people and make a difference!
The other thing they tell you when you get into the nursing program is that you can't have another job....because to get through the nursing program is really hard..and although I am up for that challenge..the thing is..my family is a full-time job..I am missing out on so many things all of the time because of school now..so getting into the nursing program I might as well just see my family 5 hours a week....and my main job is to be a MOM...I hate missing out on their lives..so I need to re-direct this path so I can be home more...WSU offers my courses on-line so I can work while they are in school and be home for everything in between. So I am going to register for fall semester at WSU and I will offically be a COUGAR (not in the bad sense)!
I pretty much have to have my master's degree to get into the things I want to do..and that is fine with me because I have plenty of time to be a student..Clarissa is 6 years old and in all actuality it is less time that it was going to take me to get my masters in nursing...I will be cutting my student time off by a year! Hurray for me!
I am getting the best of both worlds..I can be a student get my education and be the wife and mother that I need to be. Hurray for me..this is so exciting...God has been giving me peace throughout this process and he is leading me to where he thinks I should be and I love that feeling!

Clarissa and sewing

Well Clarissa was just itching to go to the shop with me today...she got her chores done and hounded her Daddy until he finally called to say : Clarissa is bugging me to come down there today...Can she come? I said " Yes....then talked to Jeri..I asked ..Does she have her apron...she said: SHe has had it on since 9 o'clock this morning. me " oh ok...sure tell Dad to bring her down."

While she was there she put bolts of fabric away ..ate snacks and then started a crayon quilt..i let her pick out 4 FQ to use and then told her she could get the rest of the fabrics out of our scrap bin....or she could buy a honey bun ( just for my sheer laziness so I wouldn't have to cut all of them up..but she picked FQ instead)...they are all pink...so she is making a PINK crayon quilt..which is fine, it is her quilt...but she is a girl who knows what she wants..so why bother trying to get her to expand? She put in one green strip from the scrap bin..that one strip must be pretty worthy to make it into the pink quilt..lol.
She is getting tired I can tell....and there are alot of little pictures she has to frame in fabric...but I think it is darling the way she tries so hard.
The boys have a friend staying the night and he is just watching her amazed that she can iron, and work the sewing machine..he keeps going in to the boys and saying...How does your sister do that?..My boys don't even look up.. they say : My Mom teaches her everything...Clarissa knows how to work everything. And that pretty much sums it up..Clarissa will weasel her way into everything so she can know the ins and outs of this house..which is good...I am proud of her!

Choir concert, school dances and more...

Last night Clarissa wanted to come to work with me so she raced home to do her chores and got on her apron and Rob drove her down for the last hour to work...it was dead...DEAD! Nobody hardly came into the shop yesterday!
Clarissa is just happy being there and that is fine by me..I like having her be by my side and learning as she goes.
But from the minute we got off of work..we had to go to dinner..SUBWAY last night..then I took Preston to the store to pick out his white elephant gift for his Christmas party today ..and also get his treat. Then off to Jeri's Choir concert..
....Also Dropped Bryce and his friends off at the school dance. Rob left the concert early to go and pick them up and drop all of his friends off at their homes..When I got to the concert Jeri had decided to wear different shoes...and I found my pair of red shoes shoved into her boots..my RED shoes that she neglected to ask me to wear???HMMM interesting. I asked her about it..she said she "was gonna ask" LOL..whatever...Teenagers.
But she did a great job singing and while we were waiting for Rob to pick us up...Seth ( the boy she went to homecoming with..whom she also has a crush on)Stopped by to say HI...I spoke with his Mom at the grocery store yesterday in fact..he doesn't really talk to Jeri because he gets to nervous..and his stomach starts to hurt. LOL
Anyway, I asked Seth if his Mom was around and he said yes..you could tell he was extremely nervous...then he says "I sure hope my Mom videotaped the Women's choir" ...All I could do is chuckle..what is he going to do...re-watch Jeri? LOL

When Rob picked us up I could tell the boys had been in the car..the cologne cloud that was left from all four of those boys was amazing. LOL I love cologne..but sheesh! They could have left some in the bottle!
When we got home it was homework catastrophes...having to re-wrap Cole's finger..he smashed it in the car door between dinner and concert..the fingernail is going to fall off it is so bad...he handled it well...but I feel bad for him and he had a typing test today...he is probably going to fail that. Hopefully by the time Christmas break is over it will be well enough for him to write and type.
And they were all late getting to bed..all the excitement of Christmas break and missing their friends....and doing all the fun stuff without homework and daily routines..is making them giddy! I can't say I blame them.
Well I hope you all are enjoying the chaos of the season as I am...despite the bad things I can't say that I couldn't be more proud of my children or that I would change a thing in my life....this is the way it is supposed to be...and I am thankful!

Tis the Season

When we say "tis the season"...What do we really mean?
Lets make a list:
Is this the season for family fighting?
The season for bringing out the worst in people?
STRESS! Need I say more?
Scrooges??
Tis the season for heavy traffic..heavy shopping and heavy eating? Glutenty?
Selfishness?

I have engaged in all of these things they don't miss me despite the fact that I think the real reason for the season is JESUS! His birth ..what his birth meant and what it meant for all of man kind. But I question myself at least..DO I do enough ? am I passing the true message to my children?
IS engagaing in all of this worldly stuff wiping out anything good that I do because the wordly temptations are just that... temptations?
I read the story of JEsus' birth to my children....we have even thrown a birthday party for Jesus on Christmas....Last night we went to the tree of sharing to donate gifts to two children...is that really enough? Couldn't I do more...will they understand everything I want them to know?

What do I really want them to learn.....
The LOVE of jesus..his destiny to give his life for us....GIVING! When we give there are no expectations...The giving is supposed to be from the heart without strings..not because you feel like you have to give to someone...my family struggles with that. GOd Gave us his only son...as a parent we know that was the biggest sacrifice that we could ever know..we will give our own lives for our children..just to spare our kids...WHy because the death of a child is the worst thing that could happen to us parents...God did that! GIVING! That should be the theme. Celebrating the REAL reason for the Season...JESUS!
This needs to be a joyous occasion filled with love, happiness, healed hearts, and Hope for what is to come later when you beleive. We need to believe in the right things...or that is out the window. Which is what has happened to many of us.

We need to feel love in our hearts despite the fact that our flesh wants to fight love. LOVE...what does it mean? many things to many people...but today I want it to mean thinking of others before ourselves..unselfish love. Love means to feel....not just feel hurt..that gets in the way but to feel compassion,empathy, and sympathy. If we can walk a mile in someone elses' shoes I belive we can feel all of those elements of love and we would get a whole new perspective of what we should be doing with love. Jesus was a fine expample of that.....healing, laughing, and teaching. We all have gifts..strengths..and we need to use them for which he intended..let's start fighting to use them.

Happy Holidays all!

Well I am finally to the point of enjoying some peace....I passed all of my classes which seems possible...except..I really struggled in one class. I got a C in A&P which isn't all that great but at least I didn't fail.
I spent the weekend with my grandma ...we were supposed to go Christmas shopping but she wasn't feeling up to it so I went with my Aunt..we had a great time..we used to shop when I lived there...our "power" shopping...we are perfect shoppers together!
I finsihed all of the shopping for my kids and now it is nothing but wrapping...I used to enjoy wrapping...now I don't care as long as it gets done...lol.
I have started reading our traditional Christmas books for the season...."The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" and we also read the story of Jesus Birth from the bible...the kids love it.
I loved that book when I was little so I love to read it to the kids.
I am tring to make new stockings for my family this year..not sure I will have them done in time for Christmas because the most perfect fabric just came in last week for them and I have not technically started them yet...if not I am sure I will get them done before next year. hehe.
Rob and the boys finally got the tree up this year..I have given up on decorating...I would not have even put it up this year ..so they did it. I am not sure why..other than I am tired and by the time break came...it seemed that the holiday was half over...and I felt like I have not been able to breathe until now...so there it is.
It has been snowing all night and day here..school was delayed for 2 hours this morning..the kids were oh so happy about that..Bryce is home sick and I am thankful I don't have to drive an hour to and from school in this stuff....
Well I hope you all haev a great day..and since I am home form school..I willtry to update this more often...we shall see.