Yesterday I had a counseling session..hadn't had one in quite some time because the kids come first...and my hectic school schedule doesn't allow me to take alot of time for myself...so going into counseling yesterday was such a breath of fresh air..I was GIDDY! Yes, Giddy! Not all people feel that way about counseling or the dentist...but I always do...weird.
Yesterday the topic of discussion was what I thought is a "CHARISMA FLAW"...why do I need to OWN everything I have no idea..moving along...DO you know what that flaw is?? I will tell you.
You know that feeling that you are inadequate?...that you are never good enough ..that you will never measure up? I feel I can share this freely because something clicked yesterday...no matter how old I get..no matter what I do in my life..I will always feel this way about SOMETHING in my life...why? Because I will never be perfect and I will never measure up or be good enough that is a HUMAN flaw..not a Charisma Flaw. Does anyone ever think they are good enough for things? NO! We all have doubts and fears and even though I have been through new things 100's of times I get that nausea...and that tape reeling in my head that says: "you are not good enough" ....it is what you do with that that makes all the difference. I could be a victim that says: "you are right...you might as well give up, you aren't good enough"...or I could say: "OK well I am going to try anyway and if I fail that is better than never having tried at all"....I would hate myself much more for not trying...and probably the odds are going to be in my favor that I will succeed because usually when I set my mind to something within reason, I can accomplish it. It is all about perspective...I keep learning that and there is so much truth about that....teh older I get the more I believe this.
I love it when I can relate to everyone and not feel alone in something. Don't you?
We are all brothers and sisters and we all share so many things and I love that God created us that way.....there is no BIG secret here.....it is so simple...we just make it harder than it truly is...how sad is that?
I also discovered some more AWESOME things about myself...things are just clicking for me and I love that! I called my Feminism instructor and told her about my new plan of action and she was so excited and told me about how this isn't just schooling it is a journey..I believe her whole heartedly and I would rather be on a journey anytime...rather than hitting my head against a brick wall..to end up in a place I don't actually care about....Life is beautiful!
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