I am scattered lately...school is approaching and this means life as I currently know it will be over. I keep thinking about everything I want to accomplish....this consumes my thoughts everday.....every moment of my life....everything from the big things to the little things...did I tell all of my kids that I love them?...Did I learn something?...did I get that done?..I hope one day I will just have some epiphany that wipes out that mentality because a person only has so much time here on earth and living with these unrealistic expectations is not healthy (all of the time)but old habits die hard.
I have a few friends that are having trying times in mariage and another who is going through a lengthy divorce and Rob and I are truckin along thank goodness....but I wonder if any of us feel completly whole...full and fruitful in our marriages.....and when I brought this up to my counselor (who is a Godly man) he explained to me "no"...People don't feel this way in their marriage.....why is that? Because just like any relationship on earth.....we have to struggle to have growth..be it a child/parent....husband/wife and that is why we need God to be the center of these relationships because without that grace...faith and gratefulness we can"t demonstrate those things properly. This all makes sense to me.....without pain or struggle no growth...does this mean we need to create it? Ummm No! Does this mean it is easy "no"...but as we all know nothing worth while is easy so here I keep truckin on and be grateful for all of the goodtimes because the bad things makes those good things so much richer and I am thankful for the good things...but I also have to say I am almost more grateful for the bad things because I appreciate growth. Just because there is strife in a marriage doesn't mean you can't be HAPPY in a marriage and have mutual love and respect...for those of us who are black and white people..this may be a hard concept to understand...but YAY! I got it! LOL
I also heard today that if a son has a good mother (particularly) he will show three charachteristics as he changes into manhood
1.provider
2. protector
3. reside
I just wrote that blog about Bryce and all of those things ring a bell......That warms my heart..that I am doing such a good job with him despite some of my bad judgement calls along the way and how things just seem to work themelves out if you are faithful (see growth!....everyone can learn..even if you were not taught well)...Bryce has a tendency to hang around me and he wants to be near me or know where I am at all times....who I am talking to ...and what my plans are..and just as I do with all kids I don't think about these things until they are presented to me I just adjust and give them what they need to feel stable (naturally) and that is his thing...doesn't bother me....hmmmfunny how these things come about.
The last thing bothering me lately is the fact that Jeri is struggling with her weight......I think she is beautiful no matter how much she weighs.....but it is bothering her....I don't say anything about her size becuase people who live in glass houses should not throw stones if you know what I mean? I would never judge her. But what is really bothering me is that I am not happy with myself and I am not doing anything to motivate myself..so how do I offer her advise or help her when I can not help myself? She is old enough now that I don't have to to manage her diet she needs to do that on her own.....if I do it I could damage our relationship ..so I don't unless I feel she is just harming herself on 20 hot dogs or something..you know? So how do I cross that line to say ..OK this is what WE have to do and work it out myself so I can set a good example for her? I mean she has plenty of good examples around her..The boys.....but deep down I know she is looking to me to help her and I feel inept.....guilty and worthless in this area...I need to be a good and healthy Mom....so maybe I need to pray about it and see how I can at least work on it.
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